Ever wanted to play roulette but afraid of dying or going broke?
Good news! Jelly Belly has totally got you.
With bean flavors ranging from fantastic to absolute garbage, each bag is like playing the classic, heart-pounding game with your tastebuds.
So, this Easter, if you love your kid? You might want to go onto the jelly bean distributor's website and custom order a bag of the blue raspberries and sweet, sweet peaches of the world.
If your kid has spent the past year crying over show and tell, biting their siblings and flushing the goldfish down the toilet while it's still alive, though, you can also go online and snag a container of these atrocities.
Need a break? Play the USA TODAY Daily Crossword Puzzle.
Here are the top ten worst jelly bean flavors of all time, ranked.
10. Dr. Pepper
Remember when you were a kid, and you used to hope to God that your mystery Dum Dum wasn't the root beer one? This jelly bean shares a similar flavor profile, but is even spicier — so it's worse.
9. Toasted Marshmallow
If you like your marshmallows as all toasty, and no mallow, this is the flavor for you.
Smoky and burnt, it tastes like the smell of a Manhattan sidewalk.
8. Gin and Tonic
No one drinks hard liquor for the taste.
7. Top Banana
Banana, inherently, isn't a bad flavor, but in the Jelly Belly bag? It blows.
As artificial in taste as it is in milky yellow color, it is closer to Panama Jack sunscreen than an actual fruit.
6. Cinnamon
Probably more of a pain sensation than a flavor.
5. Sizzling Cinnamon
Definitely more of a pain sensation than a flavor.
4. Caramel Corn
Somewhere between a knock-off Yankee Candle and actual corn, this is one idea that just didn't translate to the bean.
Almost bad enough to cut the top three, it's better than eating raw broccoli rabe, but not by much.
3. Chili Mango
Tastes like catching strep throat in the back of a movie theater.
2. Licorice
Black licorice might be the most polar candy of all time, with people who absolutely love it, or absolutely hate it.
Pretending that "polar," in this case, means a 50-50 split, though, is a stretch, because I'd say the ratio is more like 90% hate versus 10% love.
We're in the 90% group.
1. Buttered Popcorn
Nothing says candy like salty, gelatinous butter dissolving into the saliva of your hot, humid mouth.
If the Easter Bunny brings your kid a bag of these? It's pretty much the same as getting coal on Christmas.
Kara VanDooijeweert is a food writer for NorthJersey.com and The Record. If you can't find her in Jersey's best restaurants, she's probably off running a race course in the mountains. Catch her on Instagram:@karanicolev&@northjerseyeats, and sign up for herNorth Jersey Eats newsletter.
